Trust Your Gut

When I imagined myself as a parent, I always imagined that I would be much tougher than I am. I just knew that I'd set all these rules and boundaries and never budge or allow them to be compromised or moved. I mean, hey, I could do it while I was babysitting my nieces and nephews so my own kid should have been a piece of cake, right? Ha! What I have discovered is that when it is my own child, whose kicks I felt (and cussed over) and whose growth I was personally responsible for (even through hyperemesis gravidarum and heart failure), being a boundary keeper is no longer a piece of cake!
When I realized how difficult it is for me to stick to the things that I just knew that I would always stick to, I became afraid that I'd be a parent whose kid just ran over them. I knew that, not only was that bad for me but, it was bad for my daughter. Developing into a kind, respectful person is vital for her and it is my job to see to it that she learns the necessary lessons for that.
I am by no means a parenting expert. Actually, I have days where I feel like 13-year-old babysitters are more qualified to rear a child than I am. However, what I am learning is that there is a middle ground for everything. I have always been a believer that following your gut will never lead you wrong. So, in trying the typical, parenting-expert suggested ways of doing things, I have found that their ways just don't always sit right with me. For instance, I co-slept with Lola (I don't wanna hear your opinions on it, either) from the time she was about six months old. For me, it just seemed to make the night a little easier even if I still didn't get a lot of sleep. But, now that we are in a new home and are no longer sharing a room, I am attempting to get her adjusted to sleeping in her own bed and in her own room. Honestly, there are time where I miss having her curled up next to me but there are two reasons that I need her to relocate her slumber. Number one: it is vital for her to begin to create a sense of independence, even as a toddler. Number Two: She's a damn bed hog. Laughter aside, I know that I have to start getting some sleep that doesn't leave me more tired than I was when I climbed into bed. I wear a lot of hats throughout the week and I run out of energy and push myself on fumes when I'm not sleeping.
Some nights, I put my little princess to bed, turn on her night light and she drifts into a beautiful, peaceful slumber that lasts until she needs a diaper change. However, most nights, she climbs out of bed again and again and again and cries until she sees me again. So, after doing some research, I thought we will try a few methods. One of those was the cry-it-out method, which I had done before with other kids and it seemed to work just fine. However, after ten minutes of listening to the most blood-curdling, heart-breaking screams and sobs I've ever heard uttered from my child's mouth, I knew this wasn't going to work for me this time. Nothing about sitting in another room and listening to my daughter sob and snot all over herself felt right to me. My gut screamed to stop it immediately. Don't get me wrong, I know the method works. I know that she won't remember it later in life. But, here's the thing, I will. And this isn't a memory I'm okay having.
So, with the help of my very sweet, thoughtful friend, we brain stormed some other ways. I did some diet changes. My friend sent me this awesome Dream Lite which Lola just loves and it seems to help keep her calm when I leave the room. (I suggest it for all toddlers!) And we are moving in the right direction now with minimal crying. (There's still crying. Just no gut-wrenching death screams.)
And I'm not saying that if you use this method with your child you are doing something wrong. I wish that I had an iron steel will to let this work for me. But I don't. The important thing here is that each of us allow our guts to tell us what we need to do and if we are proceeding in the right manner for our children. What works for me will not work for everyone else and vice versa. And while we should all be sharing our experiences and suggestions with one another (in a very respectful way because we are all fierce momma bears), it is important that we respect the decisions each parent is making when raising their babies. Just as important is the knowledge that we have to be able to draw boundaries with other people as much as we do with our child. One of the best pieces of advice that I have ever gotten as a parent was this: I am Lola's parent. No one knows her as well as I do and that makes me the most qualified person to make decisions for her; to be her voice. So, in other words, trust my gut because it won't lead me astray!




Stay strong mommas! Encourage one another! Listen to one another! Support and do not be critical of one another! The rest of the world is already filling that position! Get some sleep ladies!!!