The Imperfect Parenting Balance

When I was pregnant with Lola, I had all these plans for the kind of mother I would be. All these rules that would be in place to make her independent and well-behaved, unlike the screaming, tantrum-throwing hooligans I had seen in restaurants and stores all my life. Everyone laughed at me when I told them that my child would have a strict bedtime from birth, would eat on a schedule, never see an electronic screen and not be held constantly. But, you know what? It worked ... for about four months, maybe five. Then, she developed habits of her own. She didn't want to eat when she first woke up. So there went the eating schedule. She outgrew naps at 9 a.m. so there went the strict sleeping schedule. And so on and so forth.
So, let's just get this out of the way right now: Hi. I'm JoDee and I thought I'd be the perfect parent and I'm not. I'm 5 months and three weeks clean of that thinking. *applause*
I want Lola to be healthy. I want her to eat broccoli and carrots and corn and want apples and peaches instead of candy. And some days she does. And then, some days, she takes the entire plate and dumps it on the floor. And it's more than just wanting her bones strong. I don't want her to struggle with her weight and be teased by bullies like I was in school. I want her to look in the mirror everyday and know that she is beautiful and worthy. But I am realizing that, regardless of her weight or if she has bullies or not, she will struggle, because she will have hormones and she will have emotional and mental growing pains. She will have to learn to love herself and the best way that I can help her is to show her how to do that. And, yes, encourage her to eat her veggies but accept there are days when they will end up on the floor in protest.

Let's talk about a hot topic that I was adamant on when I was pregnant: co-sleeping. I swore on every single thing I could think of that my child would never sleep with me. And for the most part she didn't in the beginning, unless I dozed off while trying to put her back to sleep (oops). Then came those restless nights of teething, which started at four months with Lola. And every time I would try to put her down, she would pop those eyes open and start to fuss. So, I gave in. I felt so guilty. I thought I was the worst parent ever! And I thought this for months, y'all! Then, not too long ago, I sat and really thought on it for a long time and here's the conclusions I came to. First, she is uncomfortable and hurting and I am her source of comfort. She is bound to me emotionally and dependent upon me for everything right now. So, when she is hurting she finds peace in my arms, listening to the beat of my heart. That is far from being a bad thing! Second, this is my only child. It was a blessing from God that I got her and these moments where she wants to be snuggled up next to me will become fewer and far between until they are gone altogether. So, instead of fighting them I need to cherish them. Am I saying not to try and get your kids to sleep alone? Absolutely not. I think its a very important thing and the earlier they can do it the better. But I'm saying to accept there will be nights where they won't sleep unless they can feel you next to them and you should just cuddle up and remember that in the blink of an eye, they won't want that anymore. Plus, if I'm being honest, the nights she sleeps alone I really miss having that little hot-blooded baby laying next to me!

Look, I'm not saying not to try. Try everything you want to be exactly the parent that you believe you can and should be. I still attempt to keep Lola on a schedule but I understand there are days she just won't stick to it. I still fix her fruits and veggies everyday but I also have mac n cheese and spaghetti o's on hand for when the veggies end up on the floor. (Mom hack: add baby food to the pasta so the kiddos still get the good stuff they need.) And I put Lola to bed in her own bed every night and wait to see how the evening goes. I have learned I have to be flexible. I bend to the will of my child right now. She will not bend to mine. That's motherhood. Some days your kids eat three well-rounded meals and go to bed on time. And some days they eat french fries and fall asleep in your bed to the sound of nursery rhymes blaring from the t.v. You can call it bad parenting. I call it balance.