Moms of Value

Life before kids isn’t always thought out in a manner that gives regards to what will need to happen once
children arrive. Having thought that I would never had a child, I spent my time as a motherless woman
giving no thought to how my choices could affect my future or the future of my child. I live sometimes
recklessly and at other times ignorant. So long as I could survive from day to day I didn’t place value in
the correct things, like education and career.

As I reached my thirties, this began to change. I still didn’t plan on having a child but I wanted a little more
cash in my pocket and a nice framed little piece of paper on my wall that said that I had accomplished
something. Unfortunately, by the time I pulled my head out of my ass I was too late to take back the ill
made choices of my past or to avoid having to pay the consequences for them.

I enrolled in school and have been working on my degree for way too many years. However, despite my
endless list of qualifications, I couldn’t find a job that would hire me without a crystal clear record and a
pretty degree with my name on it. So, I began working in restaurants and convenience stores but I was
okay with it. I was still able to feed and shelter myself and I was still going to school so I felt like I was
making baby steps. And then I got pregnant.

Pregnancy is like the light that flashes in front of your eyes only it shows you everything you haven’t
accomplished and pushes you to want to accomplish it faster. If you are a good parent, then you want
a better life for your child than you had for yourself. You want to be able to provide them with
everything they need and more. So, I started making plans. I had a checklist and started setting goals
and deadlines. Get a good job. Get a savings built. Buy a home.

When my daughter was born we moved in with my godparents in the city where I could be in an area
where reaching these goals was more attainable. But I have hit snag after snag. My poor choices of
the past have come back to haunt me at most every turn. I am determined not to stop trying but it
doesn’t keep me from having days where I wonder if anyone will ever be able to take a risk on me and
see that I am not the person I was in my twenties.

Sometimes, most of the time, being a mom requires a hand up. It requires someone who is willing to
give you a shot and prove yourself. It requires asking for help and accepting that help despite the giant
pride that usually blocks a path that will lead to something good. I have always struggled with putting
aside my pride and admitting that I’m not perfect and that if I am going to be the person that I want to
be then I have admit that I need someone to give me an opportunity.

This morning alone I have dealt with two more, “Thanks but no thanks” job rejections and a financial
aid department that is sending me in circles. I feel like wall after wall is being built. I am disheartened,
to say the least. But I refuse to let that feeling win. I will find a way to accomplish what it is that I need
to accomplish. It has taken me years but I know now that the person I am is smart and strong and can
find a way to get where she needs to go. I will do this not just for the sake of my daughter but for the
sake of myself, who is a woman who should have been valued long before a baby had to come along
and remind her of who she was and who she wanted to be.

So, moms, I encourage you. Rather you are a stay at home mom who feels like your only value is in
cleaning and cooking and changing diapers or a working mom who feels like she is split between
providing for her family and having quality time with her kids, don’t get discouraged. Remember that
we all need help. We all need advise. We all need opportunity. And we all need to remember that we
are people of value who, despite our trials and paths, have been tasked with the great responsibility
of raising tiny humans. We are their role models and if we want them to value themselves and always
push forward then we must set that example for them. #mompower