Dating while Momming: Keep Excedrin Close By

     So, here’s the thing. I knew going in that I would be a single mom. I was good with it. I’m still good with it. When I was pregnant, every man who hit on me, looked at me longingly or asked to touch my stomach immediately got a reaction that went something like this: I’ll remove your arm from the socket. No. I was sure this would be my attitude for the rest of my life.

     Alas, as time has gone by, I have to admit to myself, and to all of you, that the desire to have someone by my side, to celebrate the moments of my child’s life, is growing. I’d like to have a partner to consult when I don’t know what to do, feel a little lost or just need a break. I want someone to dance when there’s no music, make up silly songs with me and always know that, no matter how frustrating I am, I am the one they want. I want someone who wants to be there for those things and more. 

     Once upon a time, I’d have taken anyone who came along. If you looked at me for five seconds too long then I decided you must be the one I was ending up with. What that got me, however, was a slew of abuse, self-esteem issues and heartbreak. I knew this about myself and so I decided to remain single forever. Then I decided, maybe, just maybe, that’s not what I really want. But I’ve had to take the time to figure out what I am looking for, what I need and decide that I won’t settle for anything less. I won’t repeat the mistakes of the past. It’s important for me to have the good things in life that I know I deserve but it’s also important for me to show my daughter that she, as a female, should never settle for less than she deserves, either. She needs to be shown a model of healthy communication, love, desire and partnership. As her mother, as her role model, it is my responsibility to show her that if and when I find the one I am supposed to be with. 

Sometimes I have to remind myself of that because it’s so easy to fall back into old habits and old ways of thinking and, as single mothers, we simply do not have that luxury. I find myself getting easily caught up in the immature thinking that makes heads spins and creates self-doubt because, well ladies, men can just have that effect a lot of times. But it’s important for me to remain grounded in the faith in myself that I know I am a good person and a a good mom and that I deserve the best God has out there for me. I also have to remind myself that I’m not 15 anymore. Dating and relationships for me, in the place I am in, aren’t temporary and won’t end when the bell rings so they deserve to be taken seriously. 

     

And what is my takeaways from all of this? I wish I could give you some Chinese-Proverb sounding wisdom but what it boils down to is: Adulting is damn hard and sometimes it’s just not fun. It hurts your head. Keep Excedrin nearby and have faith that one day someone will be there to care that they are hurting your head.