I'm Not Ready for Sleepovers
So, I finally agreed to let my aunt keep my daughter overnight. (She’s been asking since before she was born.) I’m 45 minutes in and I already know I made a big mistake. Not because my aunt isn’t capable of caring for a child or because my daughter isn’t safe. I am sure Lola is having a great time and is being loved on and cared for greatly. And I know she’s safe because I’ve already checked on her once. But as I got in the car and drove away from my baby girl tonight, I felt like a whole chunk of me was gone. And the minute I walked into the house without the weight of a baby in my arms and climbed into bed without having to tuck my little one in first, I could feel tears being fought back. I spent the entire night not sleeping (as a new mom should be doing given the opportunity). Instead I spent hours looking at the pictures and videos I've taken over the last four months and fighting the urge to get in the car and go bring my child home. Apparently, I am now that person.
I’ve heard of moms like this - helicopter moms that hover and don’t let their child explore a world outside of the safety zone the parent has created for them. I can remember advising friends that letting go a little was hard for them but best for their child. Hell, I just told my best friend that a month ago while Lola sat next to me. I realize now that it’s us, as parents, who are never ready. Not for first words, first steps, first sleepovers, or any other first that leads to them growing up and being apart from us. I never knew such a sadness, comical as it may be, as I feel right now knowing I don’t have to wake up in 3 hours to make a bottle or change a diaper.
So, I know many people would say, “JoDee, this is a time of growth for you. You’ll be a stronger mom when you get through this first long separation.” (I pick her up at 4 p.m. tomorrow, by the way.) Well, here’s what I say: Bite me. I don’t want to grow. I’m not ready yet. I want to have my baby here where I can always see her, hear her and smell that beautiful smell of fresh diapers and spit-up that only a mom can love. So, because I love that my family loves my daughter, I will suffer through the night and then she will not sleep away again until she’s thirty ... or going through the terrible twos. It could end up being a toss-up!
I’ve heard of moms like this - helicopter moms that hover and don’t let their child explore a world outside of the safety zone the parent has created for them. I can remember advising friends that letting go a little was hard for them but best for their child. Hell, I just told my best friend that a month ago while Lola sat next to me. I realize now that it’s us, as parents, who are never ready. Not for first words, first steps, first sleepovers, or any other first that leads to them growing up and being apart from us. I never knew such a sadness, comical as it may be, as I feel right now knowing I don’t have to wake up in 3 hours to make a bottle or change a diaper.
So, I know many people would say, “JoDee, this is a time of growth for you. You’ll be a stronger mom when you get through this first long separation.” (I pick her up at 4 p.m. tomorrow, by the way.) Well, here’s what I say: Bite me. I don’t want to grow. I’m not ready yet. I want to have my baby here where I can always see her, hear her and smell that beautiful smell of fresh diapers and spit-up that only a mom can love. So, because I love that my family loves my daughter, I will suffer through the night and then she will not sleep away again until she’s thirty ... or going through the terrible twos. It could end up being a toss-up!
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