Bad Mom
I saw this meme the other day that said that moms who struggled with infertility shouldn't feel bad for yelling at their kids because even miracle babies can be assholes. I'm sure it was meant to get a chuckle but for me it really struck home.
I mean, my daughter hasn't hit the age where I've yelled at her but I've definitely raised my voice and gotten really frustrated. But that's the thing - when you've wanted a kid your entire life and finally, by a miraculous chance, have one then everything you do feels wrong. Feed them chicken nuggets? They could have had lean, non-breaded chicken. Bad mom. Raise your voice? You should be more patient. Bad mom. Didn't hold them when they were fussy because you wanted to clean their messy playroom? How dare you let a moment with them pass! BAD MOM!
Even though no one says bad mom, the criticism is innate. You are your biggest critic. And I know that this is true of all mothers but when your child is a miracle baby, I feel like the pressure a mom puts on herself is so much more intense. It's like, God gave you this one chance and you aren't supposed to fuck it up, in any way, shape or form. You, as a miracle baby mom, are not allowed to slip up.
So, how do you fix it? Well, hell, don't ask me! I am figuring this out each and every day as the moments come. But I can say, there's not one moment with Lola, not one interaction (good or bad) that I'm not evaluating and asking myself, "Do I like how I handled that or do I want to do it differently next time?" And I don't feel like that is so much different from most mothers out there who are concerned about being good parents and having positive effects on their children.
Mind you, I'm still new at this parenting thing and I know I have many, many lessons still to learn but, regardless, here is my take on this: If you are worried, questioning, evaluating and changing what you don't like then you are doing it right. There are no perfect parents that live outside of TV land. And, honestly, do our kids really need perfect parents? How will they learn how to handle adversity and mental and emotional strife if not from watching us do the same and overcome? So, we have to stop the BAD MOM track that is on repeat in our brains and stop letting our fears steal from us the moments that could be cherished if not for the terrible BAD MOM critic that lives in our minds. It's time to throw that bitch to the curb and find a new record.
I mean, my daughter hasn't hit the age where I've yelled at her but I've definitely raised my voice and gotten really frustrated. But that's the thing - when you've wanted a kid your entire life and finally, by a miraculous chance, have one then everything you do feels wrong. Feed them chicken nuggets? They could have had lean, non-breaded chicken. Bad mom. Raise your voice? You should be more patient. Bad mom. Didn't hold them when they were fussy because you wanted to clean their messy playroom? How dare you let a moment with them pass! BAD MOM!
Even though no one says bad mom, the criticism is innate. You are your biggest critic. And I know that this is true of all mothers but when your child is a miracle baby, I feel like the pressure a mom puts on herself is so much more intense. It's like, God gave you this one chance and you aren't supposed to fuck it up, in any way, shape or form. You, as a miracle baby mom, are not allowed to slip up.
So, how do you fix it? Well, hell, don't ask me! I am figuring this out each and every day as the moments come. But I can say, there's not one moment with Lola, not one interaction (good or bad) that I'm not evaluating and asking myself, "Do I like how I handled that or do I want to do it differently next time?" And I don't feel like that is so much different from most mothers out there who are concerned about being good parents and having positive effects on their children.
Mind you, I'm still new at this parenting thing and I know I have many, many lessons still to learn but, regardless, here is my take on this: If you are worried, questioning, evaluating and changing what you don't like then you are doing it right. There are no perfect parents that live outside of TV land. And, honestly, do our kids really need perfect parents? How will they learn how to handle adversity and mental and emotional strife if not from watching us do the same and overcome? So, we have to stop the BAD MOM track that is on repeat in our brains and stop letting our fears steal from us the moments that could be cherished if not for the terrible BAD MOM critic that lives in our minds. It's time to throw that bitch to the curb and find a new record.
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