A Mom Around 40

As the year is coming to a close and the chaos of the Christmas season has been put to bed for another year, I have a moment to reflect. This reflection is why I have labeled this year's Christmas ShitShow2018. You know, all year I've wanted to be the mom who did the things. You know the ones: cute outfits that commemorate each holiday, present at all community events, toting around their adorable minis like porcelian dolls removed from their dust-proof boxes to be passed around and oooohhhhhed and aaaaahhhhhhed at. I kept up alright. I got the Halloween costume. I got the 'gobble gobble' bib. But, man oh man, I was not prepared for the soul-sucking festivities of the Christmas season! I wanted to do all the firsts: first Christmas portraits, first Santa photo, first family Christmas, first Christmas morning, first gift-opening and I wanted to commemorate it all! Here's how that worked out: I do my daughter's portraits myself. Every month I dress her up, get o...

When I was pregnant with Lola, I had all these plans for the kind of mother I would be. All these rules that would be in place to make her independent and well-behaved, unlike the screaming, tantrum-throwing hooligans I had seen in restaurants and stores all my life. Everyone laughed at me when I told them that my child would have a strict bedtime from birth, would eat on a schedule, never see an electronic screen and not be held constantly. But, you know what? It worked ... for about four months, maybe five. Then, she developed habits of her own. She didn't want to eat when she first woke up. So there went the eating schedule. She outgrew naps at 9 a.m. so there went the strict sleeping schedule. And so on and so forth. So, let's just get this out of the way right now: Hi. I'm JoDee and I thought I'd be the perfect parent and I'm not. I'm 5 months and three weeks clean of that thinking. *applause* I want Lola to be healthy. I want her to eat broccoli and carr...